Parasociality: How It Affects You and What You Can Do
If at any point in your life you have admired or looked up to a public figure, you’re not alone. Human beings are social by nature, and with the world becoming smaller through traveling and technological advancements, it makes sense that our “socialization” also goes beyond actual, interpersonal connections.
This tendency of human beings to form one-sided connections with those who may not personally know them is referred to as “parasociality.”
Have you ever gone to a place that your favorite fictional character often visits and imagined that you were on a date with them?
If you have, then you might be displaying parasocial behaviors.
Is this wrong? Generally, no. But what if it’s more than just an emotional admiration towards a public figure? Can you tell if you’re exhibiting extreme parasocial behaviors?
As with everything about the human condition, a parasocial relationship needs better understanding.:
How Parasociality Takes Place
Parasocial is described in the Cambridge English Dictionary as “involving or relating to a connection between a person and someone they do not know personally.”
Usually, it starts with a one-sided emotional connection with a media personality or a fictional character. You feel like you know them very well, but the connection is not reciprocal.
This type of relationship exists in different forms though. Try asking yourself these questions to see if you’re starting to get involved in one yourself:
Do I talk to their persona in the movie I watch them in?
It may go like this: you’re watching the 2004 romance/melodrama movie Spanglish. Your eyes are glued to the character, Flor Moreno, played by Paz Vega.
As Flor goes about her way in the movie, you find yourself talking to her as if you’re both in front of each other. You might even be moving closer towards the screen.
This is an example of a parasocial interaction. It’s when there’s a certain level of “conversational give and take” between you, the media user, and “Flor”, the media persona.
Essentially, the interaction has a psychological resemblance to real-life face-to-face interactions.
Do I feel attached to the person (or persona) in question?
In her article “Evolutionary theory and reactions to mass media: Understanding parasocial attachment”, psychologist Gayle Stever suggests that parasocial connections can include parasocial attachments.
Similar to the deep caregiver-child bond described in the attachment theory by British psychologist John Bowlby, a parasocial attachment happens when a media persona becomes your source of comfort and safety.
You can only achieve that level of attachment with the media persona through proximity seeking.
Like in many forms of parasocial connections, you can achieve proximity in parasocial attachments through mediated means: watching and rewatching their shows, listening to their songs, keeping up with their social media, or even reading the book you found them in.
Who Are the Subjects of a Parasocial Connection?
In the past, television personas were predominantly the subjects of parasociality. But the media is evolving. Today, parasocial relationships are formed between individuals and social media influencers, vloggers, video gamers, etc.
Aside from superstars and fictional characters, you can also form a parasocial romance with someone you find on dating sites and matchmaking services , like the now-defunct Craigslists Personals. Craigslist is still a well-known advertising company that once expanded its services to matching people looking for love or a fling.
It’s a common enough refrain among those who have once used Craigslist Personals: they connected with someone who, oftentimes, was not who they said they were. When they try to take the relationship to the next level, they find out the whole thing was nothing more than a sham.
Some ended up being the unwitting affair partners to already married persons. Others found themselves in legally and ethically compromising situations. So those who were looking for serious relationships found themselves on shaky ground.
You might think that sounds familiar because the same thing can be said for many of the modern dating apps of today.
But it’s still not uncommon to hear of people falling in love with those they meet online, even though, logically, they only know the persona.
When Do Parasocial Connections Become Dangerous?
Generally, these imaginary relationships with celebrities and characters are harmless. They can even energize and inspire you.
But you still need to be mindful. Pay attention to these potential changes in yourself:
Loss of Individuality
If a parasocial relationship develops to an extreme version, you may get to a point where you model your entire life to mirror that of your “bias”. You might start living beyond your means, parroting their opinions, and liking only the things they like.
“We can lose our individuality because we think this person is the high point of life, and we no longer have self-expression. We live according to what we think this other person is because we see them as a pinnacle of where we want to be.”
Exhaustion
It’s not healthy anymore when imaginary celebrity relationships cause you to exhaust your money and energy in attempts to get up close and personal with the subject of your parasocial fixation.
In some cases, like some of the victims of Craigslists Personals romance scams, you can end up spending too much on tickets and other things just to find the person you thought you connected with.
You can even end up compromising your own values and safety for a shot at something that might not be real.
How to End a Problematic Parasocial Relationship?
If parasocial interactions become harmful to you, it’s best to take the following measures:
Acknowledge the Illusion
The personas you see in your celebrity idols are curated. Celebrities only project selective portrayal, not their authentic selves. This is not only well-known, it’s understandable. Celebrities are only doing their jobs.
Acknowledging the illusion means accepting you can enjoy the personality they project, but still remaining aware that it’s only an image. You don’t know them personally. It’s better not to depend on your feelings as a fan or an admirer the way you would in a real, reciprocal relationship.
Set Boundaries on Parasocial Interaction
Parasociality usually brings some excitement to life. But when it gets to be overwhelming, when it seems to take over your daily life, it’s time to set some boundaries.
Gradually decrease your consumption of your favorite persona’s content. You can take it slow to give yourself time to adjust.
From closely following their daily content, scale back to a few times per week. Then, after about a few months or so, unsubscribe from notifications to their content.
If you find it too abrupt, you can start by unfollowing or muting their social media accounts.
Connect with Real People
Find out what need it is that you have that you believe could be fulfilled by a parasocial relationship. If it’s romance, then wouldn’t a genuine connection with a real person be more satisfying?
There are plenty of single and willing people out there who are looking for a serious romantic connection too. Maybe all it takes is for you to start looking in the right places.
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